Being a bitch

Grad year and rad sex... hehe

2007-01-29T13:27:00.000+02:00

Good day everybody in blogger land... i am back after a much needed holiday and i can finally (and happily) say that i am a grad student, finally in er.. final year and then its off to the real world... hehe... frankly i dont think the real world is ready for me yet... oh well... tough...

Now on to the part that you all wana read... Rad sex.

what is Rad sex you ask???

Well you can ask my boyfriend... or i can just tell you.

Rad sex is when sex is soooooo gewd that you:

Forget your name afterwards

Forget where you are

See pretty pink fairies

Yes, i have experienced rad sex, because i kick ass and my BF, S knows how to please me. Now every one can have rad sex, there are just some simple rules one has to follow in order to fully appreciate the wonders of rad sex...

Number 1:

Set the mood... ooh!!!

It doesnt have to be like all romantic and flowery and all that jazz but simply let that lucky person know exactly what you intend to do to him or her... in detail... you know... wet their appetite.. hehe, send a naughty email or sms... or a sexy pick... ooh!!!

Number 2:

Decide on a venue, come on guys theres nothing worse than being all hot and heavy for each other and not being able to shag at her place cos its being fumigated and you cant do at his place cos he forgot to clean the 3 month mess in his house.

Number 3:

Foreplay Foreplay Foreplay!!!! do i have to say it again!?! there's nothing like discovering each others bodies... slowly... dont be scared!!!

Number 4:

Tell each other what you want in bed... If you think you'r good now, armed with that info, you will automatically enter the sex god hall of fame!!!

Number 5:

Cuddle afterwards, have some ice cream (for the non- smokers) or a ciggie...

And there you have it steaks, Rad sex in 5 easy steps... trust me , you'll be thanking me afterwards... hehe

ps... i found this darling lil sight called pyzam.com it is hilarious, full of pics, jokes and layouts... very entertaining... and with that i leave you with a short chinese lesson... mwah steaks, Shortypam is back!!!! hehe...

Tequila, Foreign rum and drunk bloggers

2006-12-24T17:35:00.000+02:00

The blogger meet on the 15'th of December was absolutely AWESOME!!!! a huge thank you all all the organisers, it was an absolute wow!!!!!!!!!!

I met my hero Peas On Toast, that was so awesome she is so totally sweet. I also met our Crusader for the ones in need Champagne Heathen, she is kewl and she likes her tequila!!!
S and i (yes my sexy man was there with me) also met Third world Ant as well as Jam!!! iv been wanting to meet Jam 4 a long long time and it was an absolute pleasure...

I also met the peeps from Ostendo: Deadalus, Devlin, In her shoes and BIG Al!!! Deadalus is really funny!!! a real hoot!!! Big Al is... big in a fluffy-cuddly-bear kinda way (he feels like a huge teddy bear when you hug him) In Her Shoes, now she is absolutely gorgeous!!! Devlin is also funny but what was real funny was his beautiful wife... she was going mad with everybody coming up to her saying: "so you are Devlins wife..." by the end of the evening she was threatening to punch the next person who said that to her... but by the time i left no punches had been thrown... yet.

The dudes from Joblog (very interesting guy i tell you!!!) and Chumpstyle (wezzo is so sweet) and Aquila online,(Also very sweet). now the big surprise of the evening was seeing everybodies favourite commenter Chew the cud, Now he brought some Rum from his holiday in Mozambique, it smells like Vanilla and it tastes like... you guessed it... vanilla lol!!!

A big Holla to my bud Suave who was also there and actually directed Skitee and i to the "blogger tent" while we sat wondering who of us in the crowd of people were also fellow bloggers....

So once again a big thankyou to all who organised the meet, it was so wicked kewl!!!!

Freedom!!!!

2006-11-26T20:05:00.000+02:00

This weekend has been totally rocking... on Thursday i wrote my last exam... woohoo!!!! and im finally (and officially) on holiday!!! yay!!! its time to unleash my old sexy self without the freaky marketing turrets syndrome... yay!!! but still jobless i might add...

On Saturday i celebrated my one year anniversary with my sexy amazing man S. (Happy anniversary babe!!! you are truly an amazing man) Anywho...first it was my house for a little hanky panky... or should i say a lot of hanky panky with alot of screaming and gasping... hehe...then it was off to the lion park and then we had some fun.

After that we went to a lil sexy resturaunt called Rio Sol and we had the most romantic and marvellous dinner one could only dream about, then we spent the night at his place for some more hanky panky under the blanky... hehe...

Then came Sunday, where we spent the day playing some putt-putt and just having some all round fun... then it was off to the moveis where we watched the Preview of Happy feet. very cute and sweet i must tell you... you have to watch it!!!!

This weekend i also came across three interesting blogs, one being Verge's blog One step ahead of the rest which is pretty kewl, (im loving the legs) and another blog by my buddy Sam Sexy senhorita who is a sexy classmate of mine, and she's just as naughty as i am, its called Milk and Wine... hope you like it and one more blog for all the guys out there who like interesting hobbies, its a blog called Skitee the one and only this blog is dedicated to RC racing, and its headed up by none other than my sexy man, S himself, so check them out their pretty kewl...

Well im off to sleep and hopefully il find a new job soon... oh well, but ill return with a goody post called "holiday shags, where to do it and why" on Wednesday... hehe

Enjoy steaks!!!

Exams are an anti climax

2006-11-14T12:09:00.000+02:00

The worst part about exams is:
No not the studiying....
No not the writing of the actual exam...

Yeah you guessed it its that niggling feeling in the back of your head telling you, that you should be studiying for your Intergrated marketing communications exam instead of shagging the day lights out of your man!!! well for me anyway...

Honestly man how the heck can i blind-fold and tie my man to the bedpost and shag the living shit out him all crazy-ass- chic- style when im too busy thinking about the Globalisation techniques of Coca-cola... its ridiculous i tell you!!!

Next im gonna scream out "ooh yes baby!!! just like that!!! work that creative execution and strat review babe, im almost there!!!" while we're doing the biz... i swear folks i can see this happening in my mind...

But thinking of that it does sound kinda kinky... i think...

"ooh Yes!! Yes!!! keep going!!! do that post advertising evaluation!!!"
" yeah baby!!! im cummin!!! im cummin!!! macro/micro analysis!!! oooh!!!!"

ok thats a bad idea. sounds like a rare form of marketing turrets syndrome... ok the simple way to stop my thinking of School work and shouting out possible answers would be for me to be tied to the post and gagged and let my man Shag the pants off me... mmmm that could work...

By the way exams are going kewl. Yes i meant to spell kewl like that, its the new thing... lol!!!

On Friday the 10th i met some one so kewl and sophisticated. you could say he was er.. Suave...
Thats right i met good ol Suavilicious.. there's me enjoying a Millers at bowlers and i look over and see this chocolate man standing all dapper- like. i thought to myself... "mmmm he looks familiar, some how"

I went over and tapped him on the shoulder, and asked if he had a blog, to which he replied yeah, rather stunned... i then asked if he be Suave, he said "yeah", and i said "Hi I be shortypam"
yeah and what followed was raucous laughter and photo taking, (my pic is on his blog 4 all you curious peeps) even the BF thought he was kewl...

So this post is dedicated to Suave!!! now back to the studiying!!! Enjoy the week steaks!!!

Quite lil ho....

2006-10-31T10:05:00.000+02:00

Hey there guys, i will be starting exams in about a week, so if i seem a lil quite or it looks as if i have disappeared, do not send out a search party!!!! I will be fine, a lil ticked off and ready to rip some heads off, but fine none-the-less.

just remeber this... Ill be back!!!

happy Birthday to me!!!!

2006-10-31T09:52:00.000+02:00

Oh the great 20!!! i am one year closer to becoming an adult!!! it was my birthday on sunday and it was amost wonderous day and i got spoilt rotten (like a queen of ho's should rightfully be treated)... i got some cool gadgets like an MP4 player... yeah MP4, and a pretty laptop as well as jewelry and such and such ooh and lets not forget the chocolate and the birthday shag!!! (thank u S!!!)

hehe...

how lusty are you?

Your Lust Quotient: 44%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it.Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

i do a good job of hiding it??? obvoiusly they dont know me like you guys (bloggers) know me ;-)

how evil are you?

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

That explains my mothers behaviour think she's too scared to look me in the eye... lol!!! just kidding!!! ;-) but i must say this comes as no surprise it explains why almost everybody in my class avoids me like the plague... Im not evil... Im just an evil bitch....

Any one for some fanned shit???

2006-10-21T22:45:00.000+02:00

And now the shite has Effectively... hit the proverbial fan!!!

Some DumPhuck has told that wanker of my boss whats gone down!!! Mutha phucker!!!!! Now you all remember the post, "backtabbings and broken hearts" where i told you all about the moronic, sorry excuse for a man i call my boss, george and what he had said about me and planned to do to me at my best buds party a few hours ago this wonderful saturday evening....

Now can you believe it??? He knows!! He knows bout the conversation i had with my best bud, though he seems to have a very skewed up version of it... apparently i called him some names and i told My BB (best bud) to choose between us. first of all i DID call him a couple of names:

Dumbass
Wanker
Insecure freak
Mommies boy
Ass licker
Closet gay
"Packet o poo"
Piece of shit
Small dick man
Herpes boy

Thats only a few of the names i called him but i DID NOT make my BB choose!!! i couldnt do that to her, now the million dollar question is... who told the wanker...

He could have read my blog... it is a possibility, but i doubt he has the brain capacity to comprehend that i did not intend to make my BB choose between the both of us.

The sister in law could have told him, but i dont think she would jeopardize her "happy" family life for something like this...

The other manager may have told him, he of course knows whats going on.. (dont ask me how... ) but yeah could be him, though he hates george... or so he says....

Some other fool must have told him... cos in a restauraunt, NOTHING is ever a secret...

So now the sister in, law informs me that he plans to fire me tomoro, sunday, (for what i dont know). He may sabotage me, being the manager and all, he has access to all my tables on the computer, or he may just fire me whenever and for whatever he sees fit... the phucking, idiotic, insecure, pee-brained, wanker ass licker!!!!!! how LOW can you go??? i mean, does he really think this is going to tear my whole life apart???

How much more insecure can you get? this dude is obviously some hectic low life who masturbates with his pillow then cries himself to sleep at night...

You know what? i actually feel sorry for this dude, he is a total loser of the first order, what he does not know is, the BB already knows about his little scheme and all his dirty secrets cos well iv told her and so has the sister in law.... mmmm i wonder how he will react to that news?

But revenge is sweet my dearies.... revenge comes in the form of health inspectors who will inspect their wonderful salmonella-infestested, dirty- as- hell-sticky floored kitchens!!! when you walk in that kitchen you have to hold onto to something so that you dont slip and fall on your ass, cos those floors are so caked with oil and fat, its like ice-skating without the ice... yeah... KITCHEN floors, place where they cook your food that you will put in your mouth... mmm yes health inspectors that should be fun!!!

And if the wanker does FIRE me on some stupid grounds im gonna haul his ass to the CCMA, i dont want money... oh no, i want him to die of embarresment, just picture it the lawyer walks into the shop and in front of all of the staff asks for george and tells him about the wonderful subpoena, now little boy george must explain to daddy dearest where this guy came from and why...

lol!!! yes well this is assuming it works of course... if not well the health inspectors will be a fun idea to entertain...

Wish me luck steaks!!!

Backstabbings and broken hearts.

2006-10-16T08:27:00.000+02:00

Fuck me im pissed off!!! no no... im FUCKING HACKED OFF!!!!! with that sorry good for nothing boss that i work for!!!! let me get u updated the last time i spoke about my boss in my way back when was in the post called playing cupid is a bitch . This is the post in which i vented my frustration at the fool smsing and calling me at all hours of the day asking me and telling me how much he liked my best friend and if she liked him back, like some kind of insecure child!!! well they inefitably hooked up thanks to alot of my hard work by me behind the scenes buttering her up and helping george (my boss) with his self esteem issues.

So now its been three months down the line and their still going strong.

Lately this wanker george (my boss) has just become the favourite son to his dad, who owns the restauraunt where i work... prime grill in meyersdal. Now he has become the big boss after stabbing his brother and his fiance in the back and getting the poor guy (the brother) so frustrated he left the family business... (oh yes i know all bout their family fueds caused by him, he is just so jealous) the pathetic loser middle brother.

Now heres the problem, the guy gets the utmost pleasure from making me feel like an idiot and embarressing me in front of my best friends family (whom iv known all my life)... he swears at me in front of my co-workers makes lewd and suggestive comments and always reminds me that he is the boyfriend and im just the best friend.

Yesterday, Sunday, i was at work and he carried on with his shit screaming at everybody and exerting his power in front of daddy like a pathetic little boy trying too hard to impress. He then avoided me all day. He informed me earlier in the morning that he will be hosting a surprise birthday party 4 my best friend at the restauraunt this coming saturday and that i should come.

After doing my work and serving customers, his soon-to-be-sister in law, (his brothers fiance) came over to tell me that george has been talking about me. I then demanded to know what was said about me. She told me.

This is what he said to one of the new trainee managers and all the staff who were standing with him at the time:

That my best friend is too good to be friends with a person like me, he cant understand why she is friends with me in the first place. He also has a plan to embarrass me in front of her and her entire family on saturday and make sure that she dumps me and finds new friends, He cant wait to tell me that im just a "stupid waitress" and im not all that and i should just shut the fuck up and stick to doing my job and then he is going to tell me to"just shut up and go fetch his drink".

I sat there stunned and then i had a feeling of unbelievable rage well up inside me. How the fuck could he say that? why would he say that? why? after everything i did for him, got him the girlfriend of his dreams, worked for him when there wasnt enough waiters, helped him out whenever he had misunderstandings with people. how could he?

Well obviously im very stunned and hurt by this. I dont know what to say, only that i dont know what to do. do i tell my best friend? do i make her choose between him and i? and this hurts me because i dont want to put her in this position, she'll be crushed. but i dont know how to tell her that he is making me feel like crap and that i no longer even want to work at the restaurant because of him. i dont want her to be with a person who treats other people like dirt when she's around just to impress her and treats me like crap when she isnt around and constantly tries to make me look bad in front of her and her family (her sister in particular), he just puts on an act when she's around like his some kind of good guy.

The problem is she is so happy with him and the last thing i want to do is make her sad. i dont know how to tell her this.

Im stuck in one hell of a dillema here.

Dirty little secrets

2006-10-11T14:04:00.000+02:00

Lately i have been quite stunned. As you all know i am at college and i belong to a class of the most diverse and wonderful group of people that i have ever met, however, there is one particular student who i find so baffling. i honestly cannot make sense of this person honestly man!!!

Ok im sure you are all a little confused... this is a guy i like to call "virgin inactive" (please jus use me) now he is like "the perfect student" he is currently doing two degrees at once and attending night classes and still maintaining an 80% average... i kid you not.

He also belongs to a band and they happen to be doing very well (he is the lead singer and guitarist). He is also a lovingly sweet church boy, who doesnt drink, smoke or poke (as Sam put it, bless her little porno heart) yes folks he is 24 and still a virgin... hence the name Virgin inactive. or so he says... mmmm

Now virgin inactive is also highly skilled in the metrosexual department, almost bodering on closet case gay. He knows fashion and he is also a budding fashion designer (go figure)...

he is also very well groomed, good looking and has a great body, have you ever???

Now what sam and i cant understand is that how can one guy be so perfect??? there is something definetly not right wit him. He is not a happy beaver people.

I think he harbours some kind of twisted evil fetish or something. heres a list of some possible secrets he may be harbouring:

he is a cross dresser
he is actually a man-ho
he likes to steal nieghbours panty's off their wash-line
he likes to sniff pantys
he likes to wear chicka underwear
he likes to take some recreational material.. (drugs dum dum)
he is actually a chickita

I dont know but these seem to cut it. i need help people, need to know wats up with him... he is seriously dodgy!!!!

mmmm... baffeled

fuck.

ps. dont forget to vote for the name you think will suit my boobies!!! voting ends on tuesday!!!

have fun steaks!!!

Name my boobies, lets vote!!!!

2006-10-09T13:12:00.000+02:00

Ok steaks... for the past two weeks all of ya'll having been putting through some very interesting suggestions of names for my boobies. you may remember that post... "what are my boobies called?" where i asked all them bloggers out there to help me name my boobies. i gave you two weeks and then some to come up with some suggestions and here they all are... its time 4 all of u to vote which one of these names are my boobies gonna inheret. You can vote in my comments page and type the in the number of the name you think is worthy... voting will close in a week!!!!!!!! have fun steaks!

"Butch cassidy" and "the sundance kid"
"Siamese twins"
"2 plys"
"Hand" and "full"
"Sugar" and "spice"
"More and more"
"Two flowers"
"Theodara and Priscilla"
"Full" and "hands"
"Marsh and mallow"
"slippery when" and "wet"
"Tit for" and "Tat"
"betty" and "boop"
"Benson" and Hedges"
ul find the next suggestion HERE
"Delorez and Shirly"
"Beavis and Butthead"
"Milk" and "shakes"
"Dicksy and Daisy"
"silk and Satin"
"Siegfried and Roy"

i know there are some good ones and some er... peculiar ones... so hurry and get voting, the future of my boobies names depends on it!!!!

Have fun steaks!!!

Update

2006-10-03T15:06:00.000+02:00

my links to how sinful are you and what kind of kisser are u are not working... so here they are.... you can find them Here and Here. Toodaloo steaks!!!! mwah!

guess who's back!!!

2006-10-03T07:50:00.000+02:00

Right folks im back after some gruelling tests and a welcomed break!!

how sinful are ya?

Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 60%

Envy: 20%

Gluttony: 20%

Pride: 20%

Greed: 0%

Sloth: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%

You'll die from overexertion. *wink*

How Sinful Are You?

what king of kisser are u?

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romanceYou love to kiss under the stars or by the seaThe perfect kiss involves the perfect moodIt's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

I'll die from overexertion???? bwahahahahahaha!!! lol!!!! thats so cool, its the only way to go... i can see it now... boofing my BF or boofing in a porno, and then i peg..... classic!!! interestingly enough my chances of going to hell are only 17% i must be doing something right then!!!! ;-P

ps... guys uv got one week left to come up with more names for my boobies... then we'll have a vote... good luck u steaks!!!

New and Improved

2006-09-23T18:06:00.000+02:00

It's been a long time coming...

Welcome to the new and improved "Being a bitch"

Thanks to my bud One third basketi who helped me out by creating me this fabulously delicious template.... i love it!!! and its a nice change...

what are my boobies called???

2006-09-21T13:13:00.000+02:00

i have been stuck in a prediquiment... for years i have called my lovely passion pillows... Tom and Jerry.. akward... yes, since they are boys names...Recently iv started calling them "the girls"... but i want a more ho-licious name for my boobies so i went onto (www.blogthings.com) and got onto the boobie generator....

And this is what they came up with...

Your Boobies' Names Are...

The Bazoombas

Boobie Name Generator

The what???? the bazoombers what the hell?

er..... no over my dead body... thats not ho-licious its just... just... ggghhhh!!! words fail me!!!

So now iv decided to find some suitable names for "the girls" some ho-licious names here are a few options...

bigger and better

sugar and puff

Clearly im not good at this... so now im appealing to all fellow bloggers out there to help me out...

Come up with some holicious names for my boobies and well hold a vote to see who came up with the best name and my "girls" will officially adopt them!!!

Come on guys!! get er... cracking!! you'v got two weeks!!!

Ho-licious

2006-09-15T08:17:00.000+02:00

Yes folks its that time agian... its ho ettiquette for the whorishly-challenged. Todays lesson is how to be ho-licious.

Ok 4 all of you dont know here is the definition to ho-licious...

Pronounced: (hoe-leesh-ious)
ho-licious (verb)

To be so damn sizzlingly hot and sexy u set things alite, you'r booty-licious, delicious and fantabulicious all at the same time that ur jus so"ho-licious", not only do you look ho-licious u act ho-licious, u KNOW ur ho-licoius and u go to geat lenghths to show it... like me!!

Now it has dawned on me that alot of people dont know how to be ho-licious... here are some helpfull tips on how to be so damn ho-licoius ul want to shag urself!!!

U gotta show off that chest!!! wear skimply tops and flaunt that chest... if uv got small boobies dont worry flaunt those too, jus look at gwen stefani!!!

Get into a sexercise routine, wen ur with ur other half boof their brains out and try some new techniques, get the kama sutra and practice, practice, practice!!! If u dont have a other half then practice with urself!!!

Tell urself that ur so damn ho-licious every morning when u get up and every evening before u go to sleep... if u feel ho-licious, u ARE ho-licious.

Now when ur with the member of the opposite sex, stare at them alluringly and IF their game, whisperinto their all seductive like, how ul make them say ur name.... u should have them outta them clothes in no time...

Always dress ur best and strut your stuff like you're on a cat walk... everybody digs models...

Practice your "pants-off-now" voice and use it all the time!!!! Even to your boss... making them question their sexuality is funny!!!

And last but not least, practice ur kissing and pucker up, a good kiss should be gentle and lingering with a bit of a nibble on the the lower lip... then my friend ur a ho-licious ho!!!

Well i hope this helped, im looking forward to seeing alot of other ho-licious peeps out there soon!!!

ps... The boyfriends going to bangcock on monday for a week or so... so expect some horny ramblings!!!

Yeah im so hot!!!!!

2006-09-12T14:21:00.000+02:00

Today was pretty interesting... i have been having a couple of peeps telling me that im seriously hot, now not just my very nice booty and my voluptuous chest but just my overall attitude and personality makes me ideal "girlfriend" material, though this got me wondering, how hot is hot? and how can u tell that somebody is absolutely hot (not jus body wise).

Now i firmly believe that there are some mild variations of hot these being:

sensually hot, where the right clothes and the way you move and conduct yourself is seriously "bang me now!" sexy.

sexy-hot, where the flirty behaviour and overall seductiveness rules the game.

Slutty-hot, ok this is your "let-me-stick-my-face-in-your-big-silicone-boobs" type hot, recommended to look but never to touch...

School-girl innocent hot, this is the type of hot most of us fantasise about, you know fresh faced and totally innocent, though i would reccommend that u check their ID first...

Ho hot, this is so me... need i say more?

Now with all that covered i think the hottest hot to be is the Ho hot, sensual hot and Sexy hot. These seem to the get the best nods... but how hot is ho? i mean one persons hot is another persons "cool"...

here's some suggestions...

ur know ur hot when:

u walk down the street and u cause a 54 car pile up.

u set stuff alight when you touch them

u are banned from petrol stations

people stare at you wearing speacial "eclipse glasses"

construction workers hoot and whistle at you and call u "moonch" (happens to me everyday, seriously)

ur a ho... need i say more???

If these suggestions don help then you can go over to blogthings and find out exactly how hot you are... like i have... yeah i rock!!!

You Are Super Spicy

You're a little bit crazy, a little bit naughty, and a whole lot of sexy.
You go beyond hot - you set people's senses on fire!

Are You Hot?

This is so me!!!! yay!!!

who's my daddy

2006-09-11T09:56:00.000+02:00

whos my daddy?

Your Daddy Is Patrick Stewart

What You Call Him:

Why You Love Him: You don't love him, you just love calling him "daddy"

Who's Your Daddy?

This is erm... interesting!

now all i need to do is practice my "ai!! papi" accent...

whats your drug personality?

my personality is like alcohol???? oh shit.

Your Personality Is Like Alcohol

You're the life of the party, a total flirt, and probably a pretty big jokester.Sometimes your behavior gets you in trouble, but you still remain socially acceptable.You're a pretty bad driver, and you're dancing could also use a little work!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

yep everybody knows im an alchoholic..... and a sexoholic, and a chocoholic among other things...

horny horror!!!!

2006-09-07T12:56:00.000+02:00

i am as horny as hell...(again) my poor boyfreind S is in no condition to shag me senseless cos his boss is a slave driver and he has deadlines to meet, so the fool is in the office till late and judging from his sms's he sounds very pooped!

But the problem is that im getting to the point where pleasuring myself at night is no longer helping... with or without the durex tingle lube. Today i caught myself staring at a chikita... yes another girl and thinking, "ooh id like to snuggle my face in those boobies of urs!!!"

EEEEEEK!!!! that was totally a lesbiana thought!!! i cant be!!! no! No! i love dick... lots of it, not only that but i find that i snap at everything that comes my way and all of a sudden im insanely jealous of other couples that i see....

This whole, horny-but-not-getting-any thing is clearly not working for me, iv turned into some kind of nympho monster!!! i want a good shag, boof, fuck right now!!!! and its driving me up the wall and for some unknown reason everything i see reminds me of a penis...

the banana i had for lunch
the pillars
car gearsticks
fruit juice bottles

its driving me bananas... mmmm banana...

i think im suffering from horny-itis

Induced by raging hormones and innate need for great sex.

symptoms include:

staring at fruit and wondering about their practicality as sex toys
staring at sex toys in a sex shop... Im guilty i went into adult world and stared at the merchandise.
staring at members of the same sex (in my case)
carressing urself in public without even noticing
practicing seductive looks in any mirror u see...
being jealous of other couples that you see
hating everybody and everything.

yep, i got it... oh the horror!!!!!

Oh divine bitch!!!

2006-09-04T12:27:00.000+02:00

This morning i recieved a wonderful email, and i was delighted in the title which read "being a bitch" immediatly i thought, hey! thats me, instead of hitting the trash button, i read it, all i can say is that i was duly impressed by this wonderful..er.. notion.
Now unlike my buddy kyknoord ( see links below), im not starting a cult but rather a new way of life that all women such as myself should follow, the bitchology way, and dont worry guys, everybody knows that bitches are fiesty like that...

BITCHOLOGY

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me, When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.

I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, and try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch , so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

Now ladies all we need to do is wake up every morning and repeat this to ourselves and we'll be ready to take on the world... who needs self help books?

Hey!!! sweety my baby!!!

2006-08-30T12:10:00.000+02:00

Now can some one please shed some light as to why some men take it upon themselves to be utterly annoying from time to time.

Now as i meantioned before i live in a complex in the south, its nice, its safe, its quaint, its quite. but recently they have been building another complex opposite us in the barren space.

Cue the construction workers with their noisy drills and things, power outages and water cuts, but if thats not bad enough i have to deal with about 20 of them all jostiling each other for my attention.

Every morning as i walk to the bus stop i get whistles, cat noises (yes these freaks meow at me) and lets not forget a flurry of phrases like:

ow!! sweety my baby!!!
hello nice nice
hello sweety
eish!!! ur lekker!!!
sihke le keke baby!!!
hi moonch (moonch???)

Now im slighlty confused, why do All 20 of them start screaming if there is only one of me? and do they really expect me to actually reply anything other than a cold stony stare, blatant ignorance or the occasional zap or "fuck off"... what do they expect?

Fuck me with a stick, what do they want me to do? go up to all of them and pick my favourite whistler?

And its not only the construction workers its EVERYWHERE!!!!!!, on my way to college on the bus, when i take a walk to the shops, when im out with friends, in town when im window shopping (those hawkers drive me insane!!!)

There was even one particular guy who once, upon my blatantly ignoring him, thought that i was deaf (no really) he then proceeded to tell me in sign language, very badly... that he loved me and that i was beautiful. He even followed me all the way to my bus!!!! what the heck? did he not get the message???

Just what does a girl have to do to stop getting whistled and gawked at like a piece of fillet steak (medium rare of course), i assure u even if i had to dress up in some real bad clothes they would still harrass me but i have a few ideas on how to make them stop...

when they whistle, whistle back

If many of them want u at the same time, try and get as many numbers as possible and make appointments for all of them, "ok sipho ill see u at 6 and doug you at 7, er..eddie ill see u after i see fred at 8" this will put them off.

If one comes up to u and tells u that he loves you, point at him and laugh really loudly, attract as much attention as you can... onlookers be looking at him wondering what on earth he did...

When one approaches u, simply inform him that the sex you had with his wife the night before was phenomenal.

If one approaches you, let out a blood-curdling scream and run away.

If these dont work i dont know what will, maybe i should have a sign on my head that says: "no i dont want ur number!!!!"

Any one have a spare habit (nun outfit) for sale?

Little boofing hideaways

2006-08-23T09:03:00.000+02:00

This whole week iv been thinking about the incident that i had on Saturday night and how that rattled me. I was left sad and shaken thinking, where on eath am i gonna find another boofing spot now?

Then i started thinking about other secluded spots that we could try, that will ensure us the odd, uninterupted passionate quickie... i spoke to some friends and made some observations of my own and this is what i came up with:

The automatic carwash (part 1). This is a good place to boof: in your car while the big brushes are whiring past, this makes for perfect camofluage.. though please keep in mind that this quickie is meant to be really quick those damn car washes go fast and you need to look all calm and collected when you exit from there like nothing happened and you didnt jus have mind blowing raunchy sex jus a few seconds earlier...

The carwash (part 2). This carwash in particular is the one where they give your car a nice hand wash, dry and a nice polish, now at night these places are particularly empty as the car-washers go home. u can pull into there and park ur car and have some fun.. u can even be more adventurous and get out of the car and band each other away on the equipment, you can even use them as props... hose as a whip sort of thing...

The emergency exists in the cinemas are a nice choice too, their always empty and they are always dark... during the movie when the lights are dark you could quickely sneak into the place and have some fun.. The zone in rosebank's cinamas have emergency exixts that lead onto the roof just behind the "zone" sign, so you have a nice view and you can shag on the roof...

At kiddies parties sometimes we feel the need to boof our partners in a moment of sheer passion, the wendy house or the tool shed is one good place to do it in.. simply tell the kids that there is a verocious monster in the wendy house/tool shed and if they go near it they will wake up and gobble all of them up in one go... simply sneak in when all the kiddies are having their cake and have some fun. you can be as loud as you like, if some kid happens to be walking past they'll run 4 their dear little lives cos they think its the monster... good fun.*

The zoo is also a good place to get some boofing action, now there is a tunnel where one can go to see the inside of the animal enclosures, you know where u watch the monkeys and things sleep, those places usually are empty most of the time and you can have some seriously good fun in a seriously dark corner... just Make sure that the place is truly empty and that there are no tours taking place that day, you dont want any tourists "oohing and Aahing" and clicking away at the both of you.

Now if you have a particularly big car with a big boot, u are in luck my friend... underground parking garages are great, there are not too many people, esspecially late at night and at a basement where a club is situated... thats some good stuff. Get into the boot and close it just a bit (do not lock yourselves in there!!!!!!!) and have some banging good fun, if you find a particularly dark corner to hide your car in then Bonus!!!

The baby centre or the disabled bathrooms at shopping centres, ok now these places are kept exeptionally clean. and everything is nice and low down for easy access and comfort, particularly if your short... so pimp: get onto the seat, ho get onto your pimp and enjoy the ride... or Ho, get onto the seat, pimp: keep standing and let the ho place her legs on your shoulders and have some fun... just remember to sneak in carefully and LOCK THE DOOR!!! you dont want to traumatise a disabled person or a poor little baby..

And thats all the tips and places i can give to all who are interested in boofing each others brains out in non- conventional areas..

happy boofing everyone!!!

*make sure that the kids at the kids party are all under the age of 8... if older they wont believe you and they Will investigate the source of the strange noises... not fun.

Boofing with spectators

2006-08-21T14:29:00.000+02:00

It was er... quite the evenful weekend i tell you, particularly on saturday but il get to that now now... on friday night i had to skip work in order to do my Consumer behavoiur assignment, which entailed me watching a programme called "vyfster" and asking consumer based questions related to todays environment.

now how the heck is Vyfster related to todays environment??? it was produced in the 70's and its so old it doesnt have subtitles in them and the sound quality is so bad i could barley hear what they were saying... anyway enough of that..

Saturday came rolling on and i was pretty excited cos i was gonna have some boofing fun with the one and only S... we spent the day watchin stand up comedy dvd's eating Mac's and well you guessed it... boofing each others brains out. we then went out to movies watched the break-up (aww so sad..) then left and that is where the fun began...

As we were driving home from Monte, (we live in the South) i got an overwhelming urge to boof the man while he was driving... honestly i just had to have him right there and then, give it to me hard baby!!!! sort of thing...

so i took off my seat belt and i er... pleasured him for the duration of the ride home... now we were nearing my house and i whispered into his ear "babe, i really want u right now, i mean really want u, oh babe im so hot..." all seductive like.

Like a good man he then took his cue and proceeded down the highway en route... the spot. now i firmly believe that everybody should have a a "spot". a place which is discreet, that only you know about, your own little spontaneous-backseat-boofing-spot. So there we are we arrive at our little spot.

This is a cul-de-sac with a couple of houses at the bottom but the top is covered with veld with a couple of semi-built houses, quite and pleasent. We did the routine check, checked if the place be kosher. Once we gave each other the all clear we got right to it, we threw off our clothes and got into the backseat for some dirrty fun....

We got interupted by the usual fool pulling into his driveway and staring at us, we waved, he looked. Im convinced he hates us and he calls the security guards on us from time to time...

Anyway we boofed away for a while longer then we stopped to have a water break... then one guy out of nowhere appeared and walked on by.... ok... we thought that was really random.

Then another guy came walking past then before we knew it about 10 of them came out from thier dark dingy hide aways and surrounded the area. S and i looked at each other to which i just told him to drive, which he promptly did with his tool standing at attention , he hopped over to the front seat and put pedal to the metal nd we drove off, we seriously did not wana know what was going to happen from there...

we stopped at the nearby church and put our clothers, yes...we were still naked much to the amusement of the nearby church security guys, we drove home amused at the situation and very pissed off at the situation... honestly man, where the hell did those freaks come from???? were they watching us boof??? why did they have to come out ??? we were not finished yet!!!! Argggg!!!!

its monday and im still immensley horny and i blame it on those freaks and those goddamn fruit fairies!!!!

how to know that ur graunch is gonna get u laid...

2006-08-17T14:04:00.000+02:00

well after some much thought and requests from friends and Cookie monster, i have decided to add a part two installment to my previous post "to graunch or not to graunch"

now in this lovely installment we see if ur kiss is gonna ensure that u get a good boof afterwards and that u didnt kiss the poor fool in vane...
now usually kisses lead to other things like more graunching, heavy petting, to heavy breathing, then of course good heavy boofs.. (my favourite)

but some people fail to see if the kiss is going good or bad, so here i am, im gonna give you some tips to ensure u get all the graunching and boofing that u are entitled to.

you know its a good kiss when her tongue fires back in ur mouth and she acts like a hungry badger,you know its a bad kiss when she retracts her tongue and u start hearing that "beep beep" of a truck reversing.

you know its a good kiss when she starts tearing off your clothes screaming "take me now u beast!!!" in the resturaunt, its a bad kiss when she becomes the incredible hulk and chucks ur ass around like ur her dinner.

you know its a good kiss when she starts rubbing herself up all over u like she trying to create static electricity, you know its a bad kiss when she starts to rub herself up on someone else while kissing you.

you know its a good kiss when she keeps on kissing you with her eyes closed and a blissful look is upon her face, you know its a bad kiss if her eyes are roaming around the room checking out the other hot guys.

you know its a good kiss when she starts giggling and pulling u closer, you know its a bad kiss when she starts whimpering and clawing at u all scared like.

you know its a good kiss when other girls stare in awe and start queuing up to kiss u too, you know its a bad kiss when other girls look at u in distgust and spit at you.

you know its a good kiss when she pulls your face closer and starts running her fingers through your hair, you know its a bad kiss when she starts pulling your hair out!!!

you know its a good kiss when ur kissing a ho!!! cos any kiss with a ho like me is a great kiss!!!

mwah mwah, happy kissing everybody!!! :-)

To graunch or not to graunch?

2006-08-14T14:37:00.000+02:00

Now this weekend was a bit interesting... Woolworths had sms'd me and told me that he had exciting news for me... so i sat there listening intently... for all those who are slightly confused as to who woolworths is, he is my boss who is dating my best friend Suzuki...

now he sms's and informs me that he and Suzuki had gone out and they were sitting in the car and he wanted to kiss her.. but he wasnt sure if he should yet (ah... new relationships)...

why is he asking me? she's my best friend!!! iv never kissed her!!!

but this got me thinking... exactly when is the perfect time to give your honey that first "relationship" graunch?

I mean S and i shared our speacial moment in the car after he took me out to a very larney dinner on our first date... many other people believe it should be whenever the perfect time or "mood" but when exactly is the "right" time for a good first time kiss?

Here's a few right timers

You may kiss her after dinner and a movie while ur on her porch (always remember... it must have been a good date that went extremely well and u must not stink of the garlic bread u had for ur starter)

You may kiss her in a romantic moment where is she talking too much and the only way to get her to keep quite is to kiss her, she'l think ur adorable, ur ears will be grateful...

You may kiss her when ur in the movie and Orlando Bloom kisses his love interest, DO NOT try to kiss her when Orlando Bloom( or any other studly actor) dies in the movie... u will get a blue eye.

Do kiss her when she leans into you and closes her eyes, Dont kiss her if she leans away from you on account of your Bad BO, she is trying to stay away from you.

You can kiss her all romantic like, if she trips in her high heels and u catch her all Cassanova-like. You may not kiss her if she trips and you didnt catch her and sat there laughing and pointing...

If she kisses you may kiss her back, dont pull away, or else you wont be kissing those lips for a long time coming, and believe me u will never hear the end of it!!!

You can kiss her when ur sitting in the park enjoying the moonlight, you cant kiss her in the park in the moonlight while your getting mugged!

You may kiss her while she's admiring a puppy in a petstore, you cant kiss her if her puppy has died!!!!

You may kiss her when she jumps u and rips ur clothes off, then my friend you got yourself a ho!!! u lucky sod!!!

My weekend:bruised ass and dodgy neighbours.

2006-08-07T12:57:00.000+02:00

Im in immense pain as im typing this today.

Now my weekend started off in a very promising way..

Friday

It all started on friday, i had duped my manager into giving me the night off!!! no waitering that night Yay!!!

I was set for my presentation and that went well, really it did, the lecturers seemed to like our strategies...

So there it was we were done for the day and i headed home for some rest, relaxation and couch surfing. Now as u all know, i take the bus home and everything was just going swimingly, i had even bought a bottle of wine for S and i to enjoy together the next day. Nowthe bus ride home is filled with dangeruous turns and curves since i live in a mountainy area in the South of JHB. now my stop is at the terminus, so im the last person to get off.

We were only a block away from my house when disaster struck, there is a curve before my house in which you have turn to the left in order to stay alive but unfortunatley, you cannot see the oncoming traffic. At this point i got up (in my heels) and i started making my way to the front of the bus because my stop was coming up...

I suddenly felt myself running faster towards the doors and i asked myself, "why the fuck am i running" then before i could realise wat was happening, bus swerved violently and breaked really hard,

i went flying onto the floor, landed on my preacious booty and i went sliding on the floor towards the front of the bus, bottle of wine in the one hand and my bag in the other.

I slid and rolled right into the bus doors before the bus driver could realise why the heck i was screaming "oh fuck oh fuck!!!!"

Now the reason why the bus swerved and breaked which ultimatly led to my downfall (lol!!!) is that at the bend, another car was coming up in our lane which means he had to swerve to avoid a collision.

i got up battered and bruised and very dishellved and wondering who i should sue for this. my body ached, my heel had broken off my shoe but my wine was OK!!! :-)

Saturday

On saturday morning i checked out my ass in the mirror and let out a woeful scream, i have a bruise (big, purple and sore) the size of two fists on my ass. my beautiful ass, my trademark at summer pool parties, My beautiful ass!!!!

Anyway enough bout my ass, S came over on saturday morning (as he usually does) 4 some DVD's and a good boof(s). we opened the wine and got the blanket out and the heater and we settled in to watch our DVD now usually by this time we start getting naked and do alot of graunching and hectic heavy petting, but on this day we took it slow.... all of a sudden the door flies open and in comes Queen, my moms very bitchy and very jealous girlfriend.

we sit there stunned it would have been meer seconds before we ripped each others clothes off and boofed each other right there on the couch. She came in, got something then took off again all while we sat there giggling and thinking "what if"....

Sunday

on sunday afternoon as i got home from work my mother informed me that she had put my clothes in the wash and had hung them out to dry, now since we live in a complex we sorta have a communial wash line thing going on... there is one on either side of our line of units and we "own" the line on the righthand sice of our unit but sometimes we use the left one which another unit line "owns".

so off i went to the other line and took down my washing. upon returning to my house i saw our nieghbour who lives opposite the front side of our house, going to the washing line and looking at it, they had hung cheap nasty sheets. he nodded his head and went to the window of his house where his paranoid wife was sitting and gave her a thunbs up, meaning "no dear, she didnt steal anything"

Its not the first time that they have done this but this time i had the displeasure of seeing it. I know that my mom is black and i happen to be half white too, but that doesnt automatically make us thieves... my mom has our sheets made to order, specifically to her specifications and designs (a regular coconut that one), why the fuck would we want thier cheep nasty sheets???

i cant believe i live next to such barbarians, i looked at both of them, they looked back and i smiled sweetly then flipped them the bird...* i doubt ill be invited to thier annual residents bring en braai party...

*i later found out that they are in fact the vice presidents of the board of residents at our complex... like i give a hoot.....

i blame my brain for this.

2006-08-03T13:23:00.000+02:00

Why? Why do i have to suffer for my lazy brains transgressions?

Now let me start again... last night as i was drifting off to lala land my phone beeps ominously.

It reads: "hi sexy, how u doin? iv been thinking of u...r u still as hot as i remember?" now the fool who is smsing me is the ex freakita, B who dumped me on my matric dance night... fucker.

I reply: "erm... hi, im good i dont know, i think so" now my mind is racing... what the hell have i done to bring this on??? did i sms him a cuddly sms by accident?? did i miss call him??? what the fook is going on here????

He replies:"ok never mind ill spk to you later goodnight sweety.."

What the hell was that about... then i began to think back on the days that i dated these freakitas and i thought to myself??? what in fooking hell possessed u to date these small shoohoo freakitas??

Now iv dated fools in the past and i blame my brain for not doing enough to steer me away from these freaks when i met them or hooked up with them, (thank goodness i can tell the difference between good guys and freakitas now, no thanks to my brain...)

now to get a clear understanding of why i am blaming my brain ill give u a dialogue of one of our conversations we had when i first met the freakita Ex, B.

Me: ooh look at that sexy boy over there...

Brain: what him? no way...

Me: yeah him, sure... ooh look at that six pack...

Brain: No!!! stop looking at him! he's going to notice!!! oh my gawd!! look at that!! That chikita jus slapped him!!!

Me: so? maybe she's jus being a bitch.

Brain: No way, u cant possibly be considering him??? noooooooo! dont pam, be wise listen to me for once u fooking bitch ho!!!

Me: hey! fook u! im no bitch ho... well actually i am, i dont care his cute, im going over to him..

Brain: no dont even go over, dont look at him!!!

Me: but he is so pretty!!!

Brain: no dont even think about it... or il, il... il make u bleet like a sheep when u try and say something to him...

Me: oh please, like u would...

Brain: hey who's the boss here? fook u!!!

Me: i dont care, go get an ice cream headache!!! fook u!

Brain: fine see if i care, go get herpes u whore!

Me: fook u! im going over 4 a snog...

At this point my brain decided to quit and jus let me carry on with my shanadigans... i firmly believe to this day if my brain had actaually made me bleet like i sheep it would have saved me alot of trouble and heart ache and alot of money too.

Yes brain its all your fault that i dated freaks back then.

But it sorta made me wonder what on earth posseses women to date worthless little freakitas with no car, no money and a low self esteem and them end up being dumped by them??? is it purely our brains to blame or insanity?

iv changed my mind, its not my brains fault,

i rate its the evil little fruit fairies who haunt us at night...

horny ho

2006-08-01T11:53:00.000+02:00

Well these last few days iv have been suffering from a severe case of the horny's, which is quite wierd since i get more than enough graunching, touching and boofing from my one and only sexy babe, S.
He is so sweet, listens to my insane bedroom demands and he uses his tongue...very well.. hehe.. despite this i still feel the need to be boofed (preferably by him) on a daily basis.. no no make that an hourly basis and its driving me nuts!!!!

i have decided in my horny delerium to help some other poor souls (ho's) out there jus like me, horny enough to go crazy and boof foreign objects... here's some healthy tips 4 ho's on discreet boofing of foriegn objects...

1) The banana, yes an age old favourite discreet boofing tool... tell collegues that ur going on a snack break, make a mad dash 4 the bathroom and have fun... just remember to get rid of the boofing banana before some hungry badger of a co-worker gets ahold of it.

2) The cellphone... a marvelous tool. Now many of us have state of the art phones which vibrate when rung, this is nice cos u can sit at ur desk ever so innocently... now read carefully ladies, this is a pleasure booster 4 sure...

place cellphone in underwear... must be on!!!
pick up landline phone or ask a friend to dial your number...
sit back and enjoy... hehe...

3) The water bottle, u can be healthy and satisfied all at the same time... now there is a trick to this... simply tell peeps that u are off to the bathroom... and well enjoy.. ensure that the cap is closed properly.. we dont want any accidents now, do we?

Now when going out there are also ways to get pleasured...

At the bar:

4) Rubbing yourself up against mr shoohoo, works well, he wont notice cos he is too busy with his jack daniels or he does notice but he doesnt want u to stop...

5) Grinding yourself up and down a pole/fellow ho or guy in the guise of dirrrty dancing is also a nice naughty way of getting boof satisfaction, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT dry hump his/her leg on the dance floor and call it sexy dancing ala Paris Hilton...

At a business function or swanky party, we (ho's) are often tempted to boof the next waiter we see... but here is a way to rid urself of ur frustration... the answer is simple...

6) Your little tube of lipstick... used in the right way, could be very pleasurable... try not to cry out in ecstacy from the closet/pantry that you are hiding yourself in...

and thats it, following these simple suggestions u will make it through the day stress free and pleaured... and if all these dont help here's a lil personal trick i have tried and boy, do i like it!!!

DUREX has recently realeased some pleasuring lube that comes in three sensations, heat, feel and tingle, not only are they flavoured but they release sensations on ur skin which rocks in my book... so ladies out there and men u better check these out, ladies rub this on ur erm... flowerboxes and men on ur shoohoos and have some fun!!! Durex has to pay me 4 this marketing shit...

There's a mirror in my pants

2006-07-27T12:36:00.000+02:00

ok today is one of those days where jus wana kill everything in sight... yes thats right folks it has not been the worst day but had the potential to become the worst day of my life... let me tell you!!! its started off at 4:30 am this morning.. my alarm went off cos i actually did set it up like thatwith the intention that i snooze 4 half an hour and then get up and go about my daily routine...
so there it was 4:30 am and i roll over and snooze for half an hour... it wasnt 4 half an hour but actually 4 an hour and a half!!! i raced out of bed dressed and made it out in time to meet my freind R at the bus stop... but in all my mad capped madness ai forgot my cash 4 the day on the table.... i only realised this as i climbed into the taxi cos the bus didnt show up... its ok no biggie i thought..
il just get to ghandi square (main bus centre) and draw money there... so i got to the ATM and guess what the card isnt workin, the machine refused to read my card!!!!!! aaarggh!!!!!! so there i was with only R50 in my wallet and pissed off as hell and i climb into the bus and swiped my tag only to be told that i had run out of trips!!!

The day was jus getting worse i got to college all morbid like, the only consolation was that W was still giving me a lift to montecasino for a generation next conference that i had to attend, i checked with him and he confirmed that we were to disembark at two... so the lectures go by and im bored out of my mind then the lecturer informs us that we could leave early at 12 to be exact...

oh boy... i only have to be at monte at 3 and W, being the asshole that he is informed me that he changed his mind and he was going to leave then and there so my surefire lift to the conference dissapeared... i was ready to break down and cry.. given the emotionally charged state that i was already in.

i frantically tried to get myself a lift or information on the nearest and most reliable taxis to fourways, but to no avail... i was ready to commit mass murder, starting with W. But lady luck looked my way and B my good buddy (i wuv u!!!) phones his buddy who happens to work in.. surprise surprise... fourways to come up and give me a lift to monte, finally lady luck was smirkin at me, he even lent me cash jus in case things didnt work out... aww! isnt that nice?

but other than that my day took a slightly good turn when i recieved these wonderful array of pick up lines... er... enjoy. i think...

Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

My Love for you is like diarrohea ... I can't hold it in.

Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only alightswitch away.

Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until theafternoon

.and.... the best for last!

Your face reminds me of a spanner, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up

i havnt had the pleasure of being picked up with one of these lines yet....

what were you thinking???

2006-07-26T15:04:00.000+02:00

All of these are legitimate companies dealing in regular products and services, but they didn't think their domain names through... Some of them are prime candidates for the, "What was I thinking?"award....
ALL these websites actually exist, selling something totallybenign (and work-safe, in case you're wondering).

1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent who represents a celebrity. Their domain name... wait for it... is www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers canExchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island atwww.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder atwww.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company -www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based inNew South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's alwayswww.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website: www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there are the brainless art designers, andtheir wacky website: www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at:www.gotahoe.com

i got this lovely email last night and since then iv been pondering this one question... have they not noticed this error????!!! surely these freakitas would have noticed something like this by now... some people never cease to amaze...

playing cupid is a bitch!

2006-07-24T12:09:00.000+02:00

ok let me update you from about two weeks ago... i work in a restaruant in the south (my brew!!!) and its a nice quaint little joint to go to where everybody are friends and you can stuff yourself silly for like mondo, low prices... but enough of that. The peeps i work with are really cute and sweet including my three managers who all happen to be brothers.. but one brother in particular... woolworths is charming and sweet. so charming that i thought that he would be perfect for my single best friend suzuki.

so there i was playing cupid to the both of them and shooting the proverbial bow and arrow onto thier small white bums... the greek started seeing the pommy. But alas i didnt know what kind of reprocussions i was going to deal with when they did hook up... let me tell you!

i have now become central and main dating advisor to woolworths... yes folks it sounds wierd but he has a tad insercurity problem... now i get sms's (rather annoying ones ) in the middle of the night, wait wait... most of the day with gems such as these

"dude she likes me"
"dude do you think its time i start, you know... holding her hand?"
"dude i like invited her to a party do you think she'l say yes?"
"dude i like her so much"
"i said hi do you think she'll reply"

stuff like that all day, everyday... at first i thought it was cute but then after like 24 hours it jus got annoying..... i work with the guy... i carry trays of food around so everyone can be merry but all day he 'll call me to one side and exitedly read me an sms that he jus sent her, or inform me that he will be seeing her later that eveing or some or another shit that im bound to hear bout from suzuki...

its wierd how much i have to suffer not only that, iv become his psychic. i need to give him my take on the future of their relationship, i also have become his fashion consultant and please bear in mind that i dont want to be a consultant of any kind.

ok so wat do have to do to get this freak to date my buddy and leave ME alone so i can live my life and shag my boyfirend in peace...
now dont tell me to swear at him... iv tried that he swears back and tells me that she likes his smile or something along those lines...

playing cupid... yeah its a bitch...

The ho's guide to a gr8 nite out...

2006-07-21T13:13:00.000+02:00

I have discovered today that im am a ho.. as peas put it.. haha. But not only am I just aho... im a pretty good ho with a sexy booty and some big passion pillows on my chest... But there is a form of etiquette that ho's of my caliber need to adhere to in order to be the "professional ho's that we ought to be"... Here's some helpfull tips

Always wear the stilletos your mommy warned you about, you know the ones that could cause paralysis if you just happen to tip over with someone in the background screaming "timberrr". Now the logic behind this is to show off your killer legs and the higher the shoes.. Ladies the longer the legs... ps. Please shave them first, nobody likes Dennis Rodman legs...

Make the sure the skirt you are wearin is as tight as hell and you struggle to sit in them, this will then force you to stand therefore showing off your killer legs.

Now ensure that your make-up is done to perfection , paying particular attentoin to the eyes and the lips... big eyes and eyelashes work well, the bedroom- eyes look is also very chic... but seriously LONG eyelashes so you can bat them at the twerp with too much money and a Z4M staring at you from across the bar...

Now with clothes and make-up done and you lookin utterly fab, you may now step out and proceed to the nearest uptown Bar... with only your credit cards. no cash, why? cos hunny u wont be needin it, the horny small-shoohoo-freaks will be buying u all the alchohol to suit your needs...

Now never speak to the small-shoo-hoo-freaks unless they start bringing crystal or cognac to your table, other than that, smile wink, nod... then ignore. should a freak come up to you, use any excuse to see how big his wallet is, then depending on the size,(big and fat.. good, small and thin... bad) you can then choose wether to give the twerp the time of day.

Make sure you carry a posse of other ho's with you to go along for the ride, should you get into any trouble with some other freakitas who think that your after their men (in essence you are) you always have a Ho army ready to attack and soon everybody, including the freakita will know who the head honch (ho) is...

tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila and more tequila... need i say more?

Have your cellphone, a toothbrush, some clean nickers, condoms, lube, some make-up remover and some eye cream in your bag at all times just in case one of the small-shoo-hoo freaks happens to hav a big shoo-hoo and lotsa money, style and a fabulous tongue and doesnt mind using it... if you know what i mean... this means you will be spending the night at his place.. hehe.. mission accomplished.

Last but not least the sms to the best buddy needs to be sent before you drift off into blissful sleep next to mr Big Shoo-hoo, informing her of the impending, let-me-tell-you-about-my-awesome-evening celebrations that will commence later that day.

And by following these simple guidelines you will be one step closer in being the ultimate proffessional ho!!! happy horring girls!!

foot in mouth syndrome hurts

2006-07-20T14:27:00.000+02:00

Now consider the poor fool, w, in my class. its a beautiful thursday and the fool decides to start pissing off the girls in the class, which i might add are a whole lot biggger and more of than him... its all started at the beginning of yesterday when we were told we would be getting a new strategy lecturer as our prevoius lecturer, A, a woman had left (we suspect fired). our new lecturer was announced and it turns out he is a man. W thanked his lucky stars loudly and proudly proffessed to the rest of the class how happy he was that we were getting a male lecturer to teach us strategy as males tend to be better at it than women!!! oh no... as if in slow motion i could see the rage welling up on all the womens faces as they pummeled him with words, screams and slaps!

"freakita" oh well.. that was me
"chauvinist pig" was the word mostly used by many of the girls
"sexist pig" was from S(bless her heart)
"pig" was also widly used one
Freaky bastard" uh... me again.

im sorry but can anyone tell me what the common word here is??
thats right.. pig, wow your smarter than you look :)
im sorry but i don know what the pigs have done to deserve this abuse... anyway today he unwittingly did the same thing again in front our FEMALE lecturer today.

we were once again informed this mornin of a new lecturer that will be lecturin us on global communication, W asked if she was a woman, she said yes and he replied
"well i prefer women lecturers who teach female subjects"
WRONG MOVE !!!! and as if by sensing that he needed to explain himself further he then says:
"you see men are much better at strategy than women are so i prefer it if women stuck to the easy stuff to lecture..."
Does he know how to dig his own grave or what?

the whole hoard of ladies spat, slapped and called him names yet again

"cahuvinist pig" S... again
"Sexist!!!" commonly used
"pig!!!" another common one
small shoohoo freakita!!!" me again.

now the lecturer stares at him for a while, then as if on cue when the commotion died down she pointed a menacing finger at him and hissed:
"that was a w comment and believe me that field is more female dominated in the advertising industry, dont let them catch you saying that or you'l never work in advertising again!!!"
cue.. dead silence

wow! that was harsh. but seriously how do you commit two sexual faux pas's in two day? some serious foot in mouth desease happenin here, i simply dont feel sorry for him, cos well he's an arrogant twerp and thinks he's better than everybody else.. s'cuse me? oh hell no i don play like that!! im the best get over it!!! but really now folks im slightly sympathetic, i do believe he needs help in the tact department... i dont. im a bitch.. he does... is there a foot- in mouth doctor in the house?

manic tuesday

2006-07-18T08:18:00.000+02:00

now its good to be back where i belong after a nice well deserved break save for the drama with that woman... its the second day at college and im afraid to say that this school bores me to death already... the mediocracy this school experiences is enough to make me want to punch someones lights out.. you see after a long holiday such as the june semestger holiday students usually swap tales of their holiday misdemeanors and crimes and all they told me was they partied... partied at sutra, groovebar and all those other funny places... i was bored the second they opened their mouths... what ever happened to everybody partiying it up in grahams town or seeing a good (or bad) South African band for once? just enjoying a good movie or a fine resturaunt? i am surrounded by borish , lame party animals with no sense of creativity in them...and they wonder why i dont talk to them... (sigh) the life of a glorified bitch...

help!!! get me outta here!!!

2006-06-30T12:22:00.000+02:00

It seems to me that every july holiday that comes by, my mom has developed a sick, twisted tradition, one that envolves berating me and making me feel worthless and stupid, oh and lets not forget occasionally using me as a punching bag, not to mention making me extremely nervous and nuerotic. Now she doesnt want me to have friends... and i quote "i dont want you to have friends over when im not here and i dont want you to have friends over when im here!!! do you understand?" to which i replied "no" then she swiftly replied with a punch in my chest. you see my mother is a proffessional abuser, she goes for the body and never 4 the face... bruises on the face raises too many unwanted questions and attention. It is now the millionth time i have contenplated sucide to escape her and her emotional, psychological and physical abuse but i dont want to give her that satisfaction... so ill just exist with my sarcasm, wit and charm if that hasnt been knocked out of me already... i think it would be simpler if i detailed exactly what my mom thinks of me:

A. i actually abuse her, yes ladies and gents she says this... cos i go to college i live in her house and eat her food without so much as a thank you.

B. im addicted to drugs, all because i visit our next door neighbour, whom she detests and is convinced is taking drugs because of gossip and unfounded rumours that my mom heard.

C. im a whore. because i have a boyfriend... did i meantion that she hates men and is a lesbian??? mmm... must have something to do with it.

D. i gossip about her... yeah right i have better things to do. i do not spend my day talking about my overweight, insecure and sad mother...

E. i can't have friends. i suppose she wants me to be like her, all she has is her girlfriend and... wait her ... girlfriend, who happens to be an unemployed leech who is with my mom for a free bed, free food and lots of spending money. wake up mom she's a gold digger and she'll leave you eventually.

Now this is what i have to live with and unfortunately i have no choice. my dad died, she's turned the family against me... i am utterly alone.

yeah!!! roll on the holidays!!!

2006-06-23T11:48:00.000+02:00

Finally the last exam was completed today.. this was our June assessments and now they are finally completed thank god!!! i was contemplating suicide due to the very boring routine of: write, comehome, study. yes folks that whole monotonous routine for a whole three weeks. yes i contemplated comitting suicide in the most funniest and impossible ways ever. one way was to... laugh myself to death... the idea of that was well... laughable. so that idea flew out the window.. i soon got over the suicidal urges but then what followed after that was a shocker!!! i had the most unbelievable craving for peanut butter!!! yeah i know. i had the gooey stuff on everything... chocolate, apples (it tastes good and its healthy for you, apparently), toast and bread... so you can imagine what my study notes look like...hehe. but thank god its finally over and i can finally have a break from all those snotty students (most of them anyway)... sleep!!! sleep is what il be doing oh and spending most of my free time having mindblowingly great sex and plotting my enemies downfalls and perfecting my wonderful bitchy stare, i call it the long horn stare... ooh holidays here i come!!!!!!!!

my new pet

2006-06-22T13:31:00.000+02:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

stop spamming me!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-22T12:13:00.000+02:00

dear John of video text whatever guy... no i would not like to earn 5 dollers. i live in south africa, i work on rands my friend. no i do not want to visit your sight for more information.. the fact that it is now the second time that iv deleted your comment should be a little eye opener. look man something tells me you lack the sufficient brain capacity of a one year old so let me make it easier for you because you are speacial... I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR WEBCAM RUBBISH JOB/MAKE MONEY OFFER. so dont send me that crap again or i swear i will find you and go all Naomi Cambpell on your Ass... iv got a nokia 3310... a brick in todays cellphone standards, it will hurt... i guarantee that. stop it! and to all you other poor souls out there who are being terrorized by this buffoon should take cue from my new buddy Revolving credit... reverse spam the stupid fucker... get his ass!!! some good crass spam should do the trick maybe he would stop harrasing me and all you other souls out there...

being a glorified bitch

2006-06-15T20:18:00.000+02:00

Current mood: bitchy

ok im in a really bitchy mood and yet everybody looks at me like its a bad thing... its not a bad thing at all in fact i think its absolutely wonderful... come on when ur a bitch life is alot more fun... people dislike you and believe me there is nothing like a lil rivalry to make you feel alive and wanted. when ur a bitch, you can take charge and people will accept it cos, well... ur a bitch... when ur a bitch you have the most fun ever, cos everyone wants to be friends with the bitch even though some of them dont want to admit it... and lastly a girl can have as much bitchy sex as they please and i know this will make a lot of guys happy... bitchy girls are essentially horney girls who need a bit of lusty, raunchy and very hardcore loving... cos thats the only way they can vent their bitchy anger... that and climbing on you and slapping u and screaming at you to say their name... but thats another story... there is nothing like bitchy angry sex. its a fun way that benefits both parties and a great way to relieve some anger and frustration... so yes i am a bitch, a bitchy bitchy bitch, but oh my gosh im gona make myself and my very lucky guy extremely happy...

slimy lawyers

2006-06-15T12:06:00.000+02:00

let me tell you a ghastly story about my moms lawyer louis Weinstein of weinstien and assosiates. Im currently going on a slander campaign.. yes slander campaign about that stupid old sorry excuse for a lawyer... he probably does these things cos he has a small penis and he has no sex life or no wait... he probably interfers with farm animals. about 6 years ago my parents were in a car crash and my dad died as a result of his injuries.. my mom suffered a broken leg and some sever head trauma, a year later she went to our family lawyer.. louis Weinstein to help her process a third party claim... or all you who dont know a third party claim is a claim you make to the government for some cash assistence if you suffered an accident or if a family member died as result of the accident. its like Sorry-you-had-an-accident-now-heres-some-money thing. anyway he did that but the stupid slime ball didnt even claim it when it was ready... he just left it our money there untill the case closed... all the while he kept telling my mother dearest that the claim was being processed and it was getting done.. the stupid lying freak. we are suing him for negligence and he stupid fucker wont even answer the court summons that are being sent to him. he wont answer my moms calls or let her near the office what a fucker.. any tips on what i can do to make this fuckers life horrible will be greatly appreciated...

sweet revenge

2006-06-09T08:22:00.000+02:00

sweet, sweet revenge is so beautiful.. today we got them so badly.. the bus bitches really got it today!!!!!ok so its been a while cos i was on study leave cos im writing exams but im back.. for now anyways.. i woke up at the crack of dawn this morning to surf the net and to update my baby (my blog)... i arrived at the designated bus stop at around 6:30 where i recieved happy hugs and shrieks of joy from thoise who missed me (nicolo, Marco,Rene). i was then informed of the revenge tactics to bestow on the BB. Rene had found a nice little card with some nice holy scriptures to give to the BB ring leader. Haa haa haa haa... the only way to fight poor fat bitch evil is to fight it with pure feigned niceness evil.. if that makes any sense... see be feigning niceness we will have the upper hand cos i dougt the bitches are educated enough to even understand sarcasm... we eventually did give her the card and a sweet syrapy grin.. she walked away.. astounded...

mushy peas

2006-06-02T12:50:00.000+02:00

now i must say i think iv fallen in love with a woman, which is strange cos im in a relationship with a very sexy man, named shaun (i shall not divulge in any more details) her name or id like to call her peas... she is the most amazing, funny, witty and brutally honest woman i have ever had the pleasure of corresponding with... (i leave her comments on her blog and she writes back.. sweet) i must say that i love her, i religiously read her blog everyday and im so hooked its amazing. i mean im the bitcheist bitch there is and if there is somebody remotley better or has something better than mine..say a blog maybe.. i simply block it out of my memory and find some way to do away with it or them... but this this, she is awesome and she is just like me, i feel like im talking to myself when i check her blog.... ahhh love... this blog is dedicated to mushy peas on toast...http://mushypeasontoast.blogspot.com/

le stoopeed telkom

2006-06-02T12:10:00.000+02:00

now theres nothing that irratates me more in the world than stupid slow lazy computers... at college (my hang out spot, but not by choice) we have an internet room where all the students can all do the pretty research and surf as many porn sites as possible if you can fool the mail marshal system... anyway this room is where i get to vent and go mad for all the world to see, its important to me, here i can keep in touch with all my friends, write my blog and surf better than a surfer... but alas this stupid fucking ADSL hook up is so damn slow i could age by 10 years and my gmail account would still be loading!!!!!!!!!!!! Argh!!! i could just kill... but you know who is to blame? lets test your knowledge shall we? whos fault is it? is it...

A. the boy checkin out the porn next to me?

B. all the freaks on the net wit me at the same time?

C. telkoms fault

D. the little gremlins in my computor

E. both C and D

I pick E, its all telkoms fault, cos their so expensive and so slow... and all they wana do is screw everybody in the ass... and they sent out the gremlins to my computor to stop me from finding out the truth... but i know... they cant stop me, cos im pretty. take that telkom!

bolognaise and cocoa...

2006-06-02T08:51:00.000+02:00

now last night it dawned on me how good life was and what great friends i had... armed with just a cellphone , Madges sunglasses, some ciggies and Marco's wit and intelect... we took the streets of Bassonia in search of good food, good conversation and wellsomething better to do other than sitting at home and watchin crass tv... 1st stop was nicolo's house... we collected him and set off for Marge's (not Madge lol!) house for some tea and cookies which, mind you she did promise that she'd give us... the woman refused to let us in even though nicolo did serenade her "romeo and juliet style" from the outside of her bathroom window... her excuse was that she was naked and in the shower, but we know the truth... she was naked with her sugar daddy... next stop was jennifers or jessicas oh i actually dont remember her name... any way we stopped at her house met her mommy, her boyfriend and her cousin, we then indulged in some witty conversation and mostly watching Nicolo make funny-like. then it was off to nicolos house ( by this time it was already dark outside) and we had some hot cocoa and we listened to some rocking tunes of well... i dont know what/who... After that we said goodbye and to Nic and it was off to Marco's crib.. for some dinner and some fun on the net.. dinner was al spaghetti bolognaise and well that and a whole lotta cheese for Marco... he is a slight cheese freak.. then it was off to the net where my flash contreacted another virus... not that i was worried or anything. finally at 9Pm Madge and Marco walked me home and i drifted off into a deep peaceful sleep.. before sleeping i realised that i learnt a few things on my little excursion...

A. it gets really dark and cold on a winters night...

B. cocoa kicks ass!!

C. bassonia is a really cool suburb to live in...

D. i look so good in jeans...
oops where did that come from?

E. alot of people smoke weed in my complex at night...

F. hanging out wit marco and Madge and Nic is so much fun!!!!!!

my new fetish!!!!!!

2006-06-01T19:59:00.000+02:00

the poor freak!!!

2006-06-01T13:40:00.000+02:00

upon visiting my good freinds blog "onethirdbasketi" this morning i came across another interesting feature... its called broken laptop. this details a poor student who bought a faulty.. oh who am i kidding? a down right crass broken laptop from one, Amir. this poor dodo didnt think of emptying out the harddrive before selling it on Ebay. now obviously, pissed off student's gona want to take revenge on stupid Amir and so he does. its a whole blog deidicated to Amirs' personal life... yes!! personal life as in personal files of his are on display on this blog, you know... passport documents, his CV's , including his mum's banking details HIS banking details and all... and lets not forget the porn, including wierd fetish porn and gay porn (something your not telling us Amir?) we find out that Amir is also a freaky pervert who takes pics of ladies legs on the train with his camera phone... ew!!!! all i can say is ouch man Amir your stoopeed... and to pissed off student: well its sorta your fault for wanting to buy cheap shit from Ebay but i have to sympathise with you so, yeah more personal picks ad more freaky porn this time!!!!!!!

Check it out Check Out: The Broken Laptop Blog

just another boring day

2006-05-31T08:37:00.000+02:00

well today lacks in potential what a moron lacks in brains, i can tell its just gona be one of those days that are gona drive me absolutely mad!!!!!!!! there is gona be absolutely no one to be a bitch to or anything, the stupid bus bitches (BB) didnt5 even pick a fight with us today, somebody help!!!!

stoopeed peoples!!!!!!!

2006-05-30T12:57:00.000+02:00

Ok i think im surrounded by morons!!!!! yes morons the whole lot of them!!! or maybe its cos im just a bitch... oh i really dont know anymore... anyway i seem to have contracted a PC virus from some moron who decided to upload it, thank god the anti virus picked it up and zapped the virus to death. but you gotta sorta wonder whats up with people who think that they can screw the system by creating such abominations.. they are

A. stoopid and bored
B. miss their mommies and a are a bunch of sissies
C. dont know what their doing and are highly suicidal
D. insecure people with small willies/ boobies
E. losers
F. E and D
G. A and C
H. all of the above.

I pick H, all of the above. I hate people like this menaces to society, self rightoues morons who think that they can screw the system, they have no lives or lovers as it seems and this is why they like to start viruses and things... freaks all of them, we should do away with all of them, slow agonising deaths... i know we can tar and feather them!!!!!!!!

the war on the bus bitches (BB)

2006-05-30T09:32:00.000+02:00

we (marco, Nicolo, Madge and i, pam) have come up with a great revenge tactic, for the BB. our plan is to sit in their "reserved seats." ok they think that its reserved for them but little do they know... why the revenge? why the hate? you ask, well these chics had it comin...they come on the bus and act like they own the place. No no ladies, I own the place, cos i rock. Marco and i and the rest of the gang have made the bus rides what it is today, absolutely fun, witty and humurous (ok thats more Nicolos job) and these BB's are destroying what we worked for and since we are the first ones on the bus and certainly the most coolest bunch, i say we should be treated with the respect we deserve!!! these chics are gona get it!!!!!!

the sexually frustrated bitches on the bus

2006-05-30T08:48:00.000+02:00

its official we have declared war on the group formarly known as the 1st wives club!!! you bitches are going to die a long, slow, humiliating death by the likes of Pam, Nicolo, Marco, Madge, Marge and of course, Rene. these stupid women (there are about 5 of them) think they can take over my bus!!! what the hell?? let me relay to you what sparked off this war...it all started when psycho bitch (the ring leader), almost crushed poor nicolo to death with her gigantic ass of death. we all gasped and tried to save him by which she said to us : "i said iwas fucking sorry, sheesh dont be so fucking childish" what??? childish? me? never!!!! she then proceeded to talk about us in that whining irratating voice of hers to her little co-horts who are equally as fat and ugly... ew!!! they are inscure sexually frustrated ugly ugly ugly bitches and they will pay!!!

help!! my life is a nightmare!!!!

2006-05-29T08:36:00.000+02:00

you know if it wasnt 4 my friends on the bus, Marco , Rene, Marge and Nicolo and my best friend Susan, or My Boyfriend Shaun i think i would of committed suicide along time ago. my mother has made my life an absolute nightmare, not only does she not understand me but she refuses to even try to understand me. she just lkikes to play the sympathy card with everyone, oh yeah im just the uncontrlabe daughter who's out to make her life hell!!! what? more like she makes my life hell. Im 19 years old in 2nd year varsity and she still doesnt let me go out on a "school" night, i work most of the weekend as she refuses to give me an allowance ( but she'll give her girlfriend [lesbians, yes] who is only 5 years older than me an allowance and get this the bitch has been living with us for 3 years and she's been unemployed for the last er... 3 years. what the heck??? she then accuses me of seeing my boyfriend way to often... i see him only on saturdays... yeah.. i know. she then blames him for me "not making an effort to study everyday" ok first of all, im not a nerd, 2nd im not gona study everyday, its impossible, what the hell is she goin on about anyway? i think she's lost it completly, either that or she's jealous cos im getting dick (pretty good dick i might add) and she isnt.

its hard being a bitch

2006-05-26T12:40:00.000+02:00

yes folks im a glorified bitch, but you know its so hard being one. i wake up every morning and i think to myself " here we go another day at work" and everyday i succeed without fail in making some one either hate me, despise me love me or just make them midly uncomfortable in my presence. now dont get me wrong i dont go out of my way to do it it just comes, its a gift and besides its not my fault you people cannot handle some scathing critism once in a while, but any ways today im on pms so you better watch out or just keep some tissues handy and your mommy on speed dial just incase you need to call her and cry like a baby.